I was doing an Instagram live a few weeks back when I was asked, ‘Emma what was the last thing you manifested?’ This question took me by surprise as I really had to think hard and my answer was contributing to Soul & Spirit magazine each month. After this Instagram live I really sat and thought about why I’d stopped manifesting and knew it was time to write this blog post.
I’ve been on my Law of Attraction and Spirituality journey for two years now. I’ve manifested mind-blowing things in the last few years and have been nicknamed the ‘Manifestation Queen’ among my spiritual peers. This made me really happy as yes I really have manifested my absolute dream life but do you know what I wasn’t happy. I’ve come to realise through conversations with experts and what I’ve received intuitively that the Law of Attraction is a starting point and at a moment in your life you realise that actually, this journey is about way more than manifesting materialistic things. So how come I had all of this abundance surrounding me yet I was so unhappy? The reason is simply I wasn’t fulfilled, I was taking a lot for granted and was controlling the outcome of my life. I had every month for the next three years planned as to work around my book deal I’d manifest, and things that hadn’t even happened yet. The best bit was I was controlling all things that I had absolutely no control over. I didn’t recognise this control freak version of Emma where had my self-love gone? I realised that I’d never really spiritually surrendered.
The way this hit me and I have once again had another awakening was when Mr C and I had a break. I was so upset and lost as how could the best thing that had ever happened to me be so shit and fall apart? We both had learning to do and boy did the Universe send me to school for a few weeks. I literally feel like the Universe was saying ‘How’s that control working out for you now babes?’ After feeling low and lost, I realised shit this was happening identically to what happened two years ago to me with my ex. The synchronicities were uncanny. Selina also reminded me of how I’ve always said we’d have a two-week break and things would be amazing afterwards. Which I did say a lot and always intuitively felt, this was it this was the test. So I really focused on what I did last time with my ex and did everything completely opposite. I focused on my self-love and truly fell in love with myself. I healed, forgave and found gratitude for our relationship and truly accepted that I was okay with both outcomes. Kirsty sent me a video that truly changed my life by Gabrielle Berstein in which Gabby spoke about trying control her entire life and how the Universe stepped in. This is exactly what had happened to me! I finally picked up her best-selling book ‘The Universe Has Your Back’ and boom just like that I’d found a new version of myself.
I knew we’d be back together in every ounce of my being, but I was scared and wanted to spiritually surrender. I was scared what my followers would think, but I realised all of this was ego. The only real thing in this world is love. I started getting stalked by white butterflies again, the number 22 and 44. I had done so well to surrender, surrender some more and let go. I was doing Doreen Virtue Angel Answers cards each day and all of the cards were so positive and that we’d be back together. I remember waking up a week in and thinking he’s going to contact me today. I told Kirsty & Selina to which they replied ‘let it go!’ I got on with my day and just like magic he messaged me. There was my faith in myself being restored.
The next blow was my Soul & Spirit magazine article coming out about how I manifested him. I’d manifested this incredible double page article and even made it onto the front cover but I felt like a fraud because right now we weren’t together I couldn’t even find one part to be happy about as I missed him so much. The one person who I wanted to show and celebrate with I couldn’t. Even the title of my article to my surprise was ‘Our twin flame is forever’ I needed to trust. So I surrendered even more, Gabby’s book was an absolute godsend through this period as I realised how much my hands were on the steering wheel of my life. I was blocking all of the love and abundance the Universe had planned for me. I did a manifestation/letting go practice from her book where you write down your desire then burn it a week later. Of course, I wanted us to be together so I wrote it once then surrendered the outcome. When burning it a week later, I’d never seen something burn so fast it in my life and to an absolute crisp. Clearly, I was ready to let it go! Then I took a deep breath and let go. Next thing I know I got a text from him, this happened a lot everytime I’d surrender and was really freaky! Another week passed and I just felt lost, I’d done so much work within myself and 100% surrendered every plan in my life, qualified in Reiki, started a ‘Course in Miracles’ and felt we’d be together, so why wasn’t it happening?
I went within and asked my spirit guides they said ‘Don’t you get it you’ve done the hard part which was to manifest him, how did you have all that belief you’d find an absolute stranger?’ They were right I knew this wasn’t over and I was sat here worrying about nothing. My Angel cards said exactly the same, and how did I know it would be two weeks? That day I had a really healing conversation with my family which was overdue. I felt like a weight had been lifted and I felt like I’d past the test and fully surrendered my life. When someone would ask what the plan was in life I’d say ‘Whatever’s meant for me, all I know is I’m going to the Maldives and Paris next month’. That evening I sat watching Sex and The City movies as they always make laugh. I realised I watched this when I became single before and thought wow look how far I’ve come, look how strong I am. Last time I was an absolute wreck and this time I’ve become and even better version of myself. When I went to bed that night I pulled a few Angel cards that read, ‘You’re ready, perfect timing and you’ve completed your learning’. I was shocked the Universe was giving me such clear messages. I then had an absolute overwhelming feeling that tomorrow we’d be back together. I was like release and let go Emma what will be will always be. I started worrying about why I felt like it would be tomorrow when I hadn’t really heard from him in two weeks. I asked my spirit guides and they said ‘Emma it’s happening tomorrow c’mon get excited!’ I thought ‘No I need to surrender, how can I trust this?’ to which they replied ‘How did trust that when you got your tattoo you’d meet him the next day?’
The next morning, I called Kirsty and I had a bit of cry. I explained what I’d felt and she said just keep surrendering, make alternative plans for the Maldives and just keep working on self-love. I couldn’t shake this feeling as hard as I tried, we even joked about how one day I’ll be telling this story on stage to people and how funny it will be, and I will be. That evening after a busy work day, I felt myself getting ready. I was like what am I doing?! Yet I still touched up my makeup and re-did my hair. I then went and watched some TV and my doorbell went, I knew 100% it was him. We got back together two weeks exactly after we split, and I just felt such an overwhelming feeling of gratitude and love for him. I realised exactly where I’d been going wrong and how important it is to let go of every expectation I had for my life, the Universe knew better.
So the reason why I’m not manifesting anymore is because I don’t want control of my life. I don’t want any more psychic readings as let’s face it I think I can be a credible source for myself now anyway. I’m still so shocked the Universe allowed me to know so much in advance but it was because I was flowing and in alignment with love. I’ve realised that really all we should be attracting is love and abundance so if that’s in the form of lots of money great, if that’s in the form of a book deal great but whatever is meant for me will never miss me. It took being thrown into my biggest fear of being alone to truly heal from all my past wounds. So my New Moon list last month simply said ‘Have a life full of happiness, fulfilment and genuine love’. That’s all I’ll be manifesting from now on. This whole experience has really helped me to trust myself so much more and trust that the Universe has an incredible plan for my love and I. There are only two emotions here in this life love and fear, so choose wisely as love is the only real truth in this world.
I understand now that this all had to happen for the greater good, I’ve undergone so much transformation in these two weeks and awoken once again. I’m fulfilled, a being a light and love and I get to share that with my twin flame again. I feel like we’re so much stronger now, more connected and more grateful for one another. So my message to you is to let go of what you think you need and let the Universe guide you to your dream life, it’s a much smoother road if you do trust me! I hope this blog post has helped you to see the truth behind the fear and when faced with fear and uncertainty that guidance is always surrounding you. I hope you all have a fabulous week, lots of love xx