This week over on Instagram I’ve been talking about creating loving boundaries, raising your standards and learning to voice your truth more. I was shocked at the number of people who responded saying they agreed and needed to hear this today. This is why I wanted to open up the conversation more here on my blog and explore why we find it so hard to raise our boundaries in life and how we can lovingly do so from a place of love.
How To Lovingly Say Enough Is Enough
Let’s be honest we all let at least one person get away with something in our lives, whether it’s a child, friend, boss or a parent. Sometimes we feel we can’t speak up as to not cause a fuss or offend. Boundaries have been a big topic for me recently where I had to question ‘How come I let some people get away with things in my life, but professionally I don’t let people get away with anything!’ I knew what I was allowing didn’t feel good to me but honestly, it came from a place of fear. I didn’t feel I could voice my absolute truth to these people I loved because I felt they just wouldn’t understand where I was coming from. It got to a point where I couldn’t ignore it anymore as it kept really upsetting me so I decided enough was enough – if I install firm boundaries in 80% of my life I need to install them in 100% of my life. It doesn’t matter who it is if they are taking you for granted, repeating the same behaviour which isn’t fair or kind to you, or you just don’t feel your being met with the same level of respect – own that and know it’s okay to feel let down.
My friends always joke that I’m loyal leopard because loyalty rules my world and my loyalty felt disrespected. I had to firmly decide in my heart that I was not going to tolerate this anymore and that I wanted change – and the only way that would happen is if I changed my reaction to this behaviour. Sometimes the most loving thing to do is to realise that actions aren’t always the most loving towards us and sometimes the most loving thing to do is to realise you need to give yourself that loyalty and love you so freely give to others. Also, take responsibility here for your part, did you allow this to keep happening like I did?
You Keep Saying Yes When You Mean No
As spiritual being’s I’m sure we all feel pressured into saying yes when we really mean no. Starting to voice your truth in all area’s of your life is the start of setting healthy boundaries people respect. Remember the only people who are going to get upset from you setting healthy boundaries are the ones who were benefitting from them in the first place. When you’re honest with yourself that’s the most loving thing you can do for yourself and others involved. So don’t be afraid to speak up and only do what feels good and in alignment with you because that’s your truth Queen and anyone who loves you will support that.
“The Universe is never testing you. It’s simply giving you an opportunity to practise all that you say you are”
The Universe Is Responding To What You’re Allowing
Read the quote above again, really let it sink in. When we declare enough is enough and we firmly raise our standards the Universe is going to ‘test’ you. I had a whole heap of tests come up from the same actions happening again, even my bank tested my boundaries to see whether I’d speak up, I had opportunity’s with my followers when some would ask invasive questions about my personal life. This challenged me to practise what I preach if I wanted change I had to take action and be the change. So I lovingly asserted my new boundaries in all the ‘tests’ and felt so much better afterwards. Change did occur but most noticeably within myself – I felt like I was speaking my absolute truth in all areas, I wasn’t settling for any behaviour that wasn’t respectful to me or my wishes and I wasn’t feeling pressured to do things I didn’t feel comfortable with. I expressed these new boundaries with love to myself and the other people involved. It wasn’t awkward it felt like a shift, and I’m thankful I did this. The Universe wasn’t going to bring change or transformation unless I stopped repeatedly accepting the very things I wasn’t happy with and made a change.
People will sadly test your boundaries and think it’s okay if you let them, so sometimes just making it clear from the beginning shows them your not a doormat. That’s love, self-love although this may feel defensive, harsh or forceful it doesn’t have to come from your masculine energy. The divine feminine also asserts her boundaries from a place of love and balance. Remember all relationships should be 50/50 and reflect balance that goes for effort, respect, loyalty the lot. So allow yourself to truly be met 50/50 don’t go 80/20 and expect the other person to meet you 50/50 it just won’t work. Just like with anything let the Universe meet you halfway also, we don’t have to do it all that’s not balance.
I hope this blog post has helped you to lovingly be assertive in all area’s of your life. It can be a tricky one to navigate through but remember if you want change and transformation you need to, first of all, affirm the change to the Universe and then be the change you want to see – stop accepting the same behaviour otherwise you will always have the same outcome. As always let me know your thoughts in the comments below, don’t forget you can also buy my book Spiritual Queen now worldwide! I hope you all have a fantastic week and I’m sending you all lots of love xx