Our ego’s love it when we fall into victim mode it’s like a pity party celebration where the ego is the host. It’s so much easier when you can say ‘I didn’t do anything wrong it was all their fault’. This has been a reminder for me recently I always had in the back of my head ‘all your relationships are mirrors to you’ but in one instance I was like ‘nah they’re really not I’m sat here being all kind, loving and nice so why am I being treated like this?’ Of course I did the whole toolkit of manifesting it to improve, raising my standards, not tolerating the behaviour etc – but the one thing I didn’t do with this person was see myself in them.
It was when reading Gabby’s ‘The Universe has your back’ again recently, that it gave me some powerful realisations that while yes I didn’t deserve what was being said or done to me, I wasn’t innocent either. This person triggered me and my reactions were the mirror, I knew I’d never say these things to anyone else in my life and a part of me felt shame and rejection and my reactions to this were a cry for love. Just as this person’s actions and words we’re a cry for love too – there’s the mirror. I was blind to this for so long until I could honestly sit there and say but why do you react the way you do? My ego wanted me to feel like I was innocent because all I was doing was reacting to what was happening, but truthfully I knew what I was doing wasn’t from my soul it was my ego screaming out for love.
Do you know what real strength is? Accountability, everyone in our life is a mirror and when you can take accountability for your part in something and hold your hands up – you’re learning. It takes real courage to admit when you’ve done something wrong or fucked up too. Don’t let your ego illusion you with bullshit, if you’ve had a part in it too heal it, apologise and learn from it. The best way we can avoid the shame spiral we then feel is changed behaviour. This is all part of self-love, self-love isn’t just about basking in your own glory it’s about healing and being honest with yourself when you’re fucking up too.
This realisation to me changed everything because when I was able to see myself in this person I didn’t react, I came from a place of compassion, love and neutrality. I took myself out of victim mode finally and took back my power, that I could apologise, I could correct my wrongs even if I never got an apology from them. Also, watch yourself are you projecting the past onto the current situation? This was again another realisation I had that my ego was in a spiral of reaction, shame and hurt when all I had to do was see this person for the first time and stop the cycle for good. When we can see someone for the first time and release them and yourself of blame, shame and of the past – miracles happen. Now, this does come with some exceptions if someone has abused you emotionally or psychically then it isn’t always a case of ‘forgetting the past’ and seeing them for the first time again. That’s your discernment to use here and trust your intuition on whether this is what you should do in your own situation.
I realised that if I stopped reacting and showed this person the love and compassion they craved just as I did in my moments of reaction, then eventually vibrationally the universe had to meet me there. From this place of neutrality, peace and surrender I was able to heal this wound and not react no matter what. I could finally understand why this person was doing these things because I could see myself in them and the trauma we had both experienced previously. All interaction came from my space of calm, love and peace and of course, this does take time to perfect. I was tested by the universe but no matter what I stood firmly in my neutral place and no longer added to the problem I wanted to help heal and be the solution to the problem and help end the shame spiral for the both of us. Some great mantra’s to use from Gabby’s book are –
‘I call on the energy of the universe to guide my thoughts back to love. I surrender the false perceptions I have placed upon myself. I forgive these thoughts and I know that I am love. I am peace. I am compassion. I am the universe.”
“I recognise my anger and I honour my reaction to the darkness. I know my true power lies in my capacity to be the light. I call on the energy and thoughts of love to pour through me and inspire me to take action from a place of true power.”
A really powerful phrase I use when I want to forgive myself and forgive others is using the ancient Hawaiian practice of forgiveness ‘ho’oponopono’ or as I like to call it the ‘hippo’ because there’s no way in hell you’re going to get me to try and remember that spelling or pronunciation! The ‘hippo’ is saying ‘I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you’. There’s something really powerful about repeating these words and forgiveness is essential in finding this inner peace. Forgiveness works both ways to yourself and to others remember. A prayer I like to use from the book ‘A Return To Love’ by Marianne Williamson is ‘I forgive you (name) and release you to the Holy Spirit’ I always feel lighter and know I’m releasing that person or even myself up for healing. Use the ‘hippo’ to allow forgiveness to wash over yourself and the situation, but most importantly don’t be ashamed of admitting when you’ve fucked up too. That’s a real Spiritual Queen someone who can call out their own bullshit and learn from it.
This is your time to witness your own behaviour, apologise and learn from it. That’s the best thing you can do – we’re all here to learn and we’re all fucking up along the way. You’re not alone. That’s how we learn and grow through experience. Leave the past in the past and see someone or even yourself for the first time with love, don’t project the past into the present moment otherwise the past will keep repeating itself and you’ll never set yourself and the person free. Today is a new day…I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.
I hope this blog post has helped you identify why it’s important to be accountable for our own behaviour, how our ego’s can illusion us to believe we’re the innocent party and how to heal this and stop the patterns for good. Be honest with yourself and your actions – what can you improve? what can be done with more love and neutrality in your life? The best apology is changed behaviour, so make sure when you witness this behaviour that you make the commitment to change it. Remember every person in our life is a mirror so witness what the reflection is and see what you need to heal within yourself. As always please leave your thoughts in the comments section below. Don’t forget you can buy my book Spiritual Queen from Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Waterstones worldwide now! I hope you all have a great week whatever you’re up to and I’m sending you all lots of love xx